Dear William, Daniel, Catherine, (and Michael & Baby Girl Y) (and your parents), (and any future descendants and their parents),

I came across a series of cartoons that I wanted to share and discuss with you — I want you to read them, think about them, discuss them with each other, and your parents and families; they are VERY important. So, here we go …

When a friend invites you to do something together, and you agree to participate, you always retain the right to change your mind later on. You may change your mind because you no longer are enjoying the activity; or because the activity turns out to be different than what you had expected; or because once you tried it you decided you do not enjoy it after all; or for any reason what so ever. YOU always have the right to change your mind, and you cannot be forced to do something you do not want to be doing.

By the same token, YOU should NEVER force someone else to do something that person does not want to do. Respect the other person, and respect their free choices. You may be disappointed by the choices the other person makes; but, ALWAYS respect and honor that persons choices.

 

A kindness or friendly gesture today is NOT a perpetual gift of your person or property. Just because you allow someone to use your property today does NOT mean that you are obligated to allow them to use your property tomorrow or ever again. Likewise, if you participate in an activity today, does NOT mean that you are obligated to participate in that activity in the future.

And the opposite is true also — just because someone allowed you to participate in an activity that they were engaged in does NOT mean that you are always allowed to participate in that activity with that person. That person has the right to choose when they may want to have you participate with them, and they may even choose for you to never again participate with them in that activity — no matter how much fun it was for you when you did participate, and no matter how much you were looking forward to participating again.

 

Even when a person likes something, there is a right time and place for it. Just because you like something does NOT mean that you want to experience it at all times in all places. When you are reading a book, you probably want quiet; when you are at the beach, you are probably not interested in snow boots; when you are tired and trying to sleep, loud music is probably not the appropriate thing for you.

Other people have similar feelings — so, even when they like something, it does not mean that they like it at all times in all places. Be a wise person, and learn to distinguish between the appropriate times and places for fun things, and the inappropriate times and places for those same “fun” thins.

 

Our bodies are our private property; and NOBODY has the right to use our bodies without our knowledge, even when they “know” what we “want”. Being incapacitated or unconscious by sleep, alcohol, drugs, sickness, or anything else does NOT grant anyone a license to use our bodies.

When you want something, you want to participate in receiving it — if you want a tattoo, you want to participate in choosing the EXACT spot where it will go; the time you will get it; the place where you will get it; the person from whom you will get it; whether you will get it after all (who knows, you may change your mind)! Doing something to YOUR body when you are not able to give permission is a serious VIOLATION of YOUR dignity!

And, YOU should never violate anyone else’s dignity — never do something to someone else’s body when they are not able to give you permission to do so. If they are asleep, or unconscious, or out-of-it, or drunk, or stoned, YOU may NOT touch them, because they are not able to give you permission to do so.

 

In the course of our human relationships we do things for each other. Weather we are spouses, or friends, or intimate partners, or business partners, or engaged in any other human relationship, we do things for each other now and again — however, just because something is done, once or sometimes, or often, it does NOT mean that it must always be done, and it certainly does NOT mean that it must be done at the whim or demand of the other. What we do for each other is out of kindness or out of love, but it is NOT out of slavery.

Perhaps we enter into social contracts, and we agree that one of us does certain things, and the other does other things; but, we are never slaves to each other.

We must always treat each other with respect. And each of us should always expect to be respected. If we do not respect, or are not respected, there is something wrong with the relationship, and it should be fixed, or it should be dissolved.

 

I think that this one is similar to the very first one above. You always have the right to change your mind; and your partner always has the same right. Respect that right, and do not force your partner to do what your partner does not want to do — if do try to do that, it will became a bad relationship, and it will hurt you both. We all owe each other honesty; not participation. Each of us should participate ONLY if that person wants to; no one should ever be forced to participate in an activity they do not want to participate in. And YOU should defend that right! (Even when you are disappointed by the exercise of that right.)

 

Sometimes people make assumptions about us by the way we dress — when that happens to us, we often feel violated. In this case, just because the person is dressed like a weight-lifter and has muscles does not mean that they are available to carry heavy objects for someone else, especially without the person’s agreement.

YOU should not make the same mistake about others. What a person looks like is not necessarily an indication what that person is all about. Do NOT make assumptions. Clothes and looks are NOT licenses. They are not permissions for your actions, opinions, or even attitudes.

People are people, and they should always be treated with respect. Remember, all people were created by God; and come from different backgrounds; have different histories; have different life circumstances. Never assume that what you see is what is. What a person looks like may be an unfortunate outcome (if they look bad), or just plain dumb luck (if they look good).

Bottom line — what a person looks like, or is dressed, does not give a license for how YOU may act towards that person.

 

These cartoons and my comments related to them are intended to address the concept of “consent” — what it means to give “consent.” I thing that this is a VERY important concept — a fundamental concept in human relationships. I hope that you learn to appreciate that concept, and that you will always be respectful to all your friends, acquaintances, loved-ones, and even strangers.

Love,

Dziadziuś Paweł.

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