Dear William, Daniel, Catherine, Michael, and Sarah, (and your parents), (and any future descendants and their parents),
You may remember how I told you about the night that Babcia Krysia became a contender — well, that leads me to a larger topic: Marriage.
Marriage means different things to different people (some believe that it is a union between a man and a woman; some believe that it is a life-long union; etc.) — I will give you MY perspective.
To me, marriage is a commitment, a contract, between two persons, who agree to work together to form a family; who agree to love each other; and who agree to support each other.
When two people marry, they create a new bud in a family tree — actually, in two family trees. Before the marriage there were two families, each with its own heritage, its own history, and its own customs — but, once one member of one of these two separate families marries the other person, who is a member of the other family, that marriage joins the two families into a new, larger family. And, the couple who got married, become a new bud, from which a new family branch may grow. That branch can create additional diversity, if one or more child is born, or added by adoption.
So looking at our family — there was the Weglewski family, from which Prababcia Irena Neumann (nee Weglewska) came; and there was the Neumann family, from which Pradziadek Hernyk Neumann came; and there was the Dzikowski family, from which Prababcia Irene Kostro (nee Dzikowska) came; and there was the Kostro family, from which Pradziadek George Kostro came.
Prababcia Irene Kostro and Pradziadek George Kostro met, and married — that united the Dzikowski family and the Kostro family. I came from that joined family.
Circa 1948
Prababcia Irena Neumann and Pradziadek Hernyk Neumann met, and married — that united the Weglewski family and the Neumann family. Babcia Krysia came from that joined family.
Circa 1950
When I was much younger, I started dating girls — I already told you a bit about that. I dated many girls; however, as I got older, I started thinking seriously about marriage. To me, marriage was the beginning of a new family — I hoped to have children; and I was committed to a life-long relationship. So, I started thinking about what marriage meant to me. To that end, I needed to think about who I was.
I thought of myself as being Argentinian by birth; Polish by decent; and American by choice; and a Roman-Catholic. At that time, I was active in the Polish community, particularly in the Polish Scouting movement in the United States. I came from a good family; I was educating myself; and I was ambitious.
It was important to me to find someone who can relate to me; and to whom I could related as well — thus, a common heritage became a focal point. I dated girls of various backgrounds, but when there was a lack of common heritage and a lack of common life experiences, the relationships were often very superficial. Some of the girls I dated were BEAUTIFUL, but I was keenly aware that beauty is only skin-deep. I wanted more — I wanted someone who would be a good Mom to my children; I wanted someone who would be good to me; I wanted someone who would understand where I was coming from.
And so, the night that Babcia Krysia became a contender, I thought to myself — wow, she is very nice. Of course, there was the problem that I had a girlfriend; and Babcia Krysia had a boyfriend; but, we did have commonality — we both spoke Polish and English; we each knew a bit of Polish history, and how it related to our American lives; we both came from “Polish families,” that shared the experiences of World War II; we both were involved in Polish Scouting; we were both Roman-Catholic; we both enjoyed the outdoors; and we both believed in education — actually, at that time, Babcia Krysia envisioned herself being a perpetual student, always learning new things [that changed — she is no-longer interested in going to school].
When we began dating, Babcia Krysia and I spoke to each other in English; but, when we went to each other’s houses, both of us could communicate with the entire family — including those who did not speak English.
I learned quickly how wonderful Babcia Krysia was — she was fun; she was adventurous; she was open-minded; she was good-looking; she was smart; she understood the world as I perceived it; and she shared my vision of being a good parent and having a happy family.
Over time, before we married, we talked to each other — we got to know each other, we got to really like each other, and we started to love each other. That love began to grow; it grew with the respect we had for each other — to the point that I decided that I wanted to marry her (convincing HER was now the challenge — for that I used every trick I could think of; with success achieved on December 25, 1971, when she said “YES.” We were married the following June — June 3, 1972.
Our Wedding Invitation
June 3, 1972: our wedding
So, when YOU decide to marry some day, if you decide to marry (I hope you will), be aware that getting married is easy, but being a good spouse requires a LOT of hard work. Before you marry, think about who YOU are; and what YOU want in life. When you consider candidates for your spouse, think about how that person will help you to be happy; how that person will help you achieve your goals and dreams; and be sure that YOU are equally committed to making your spouse happy; and to helping your spouse achieve THEIR goals and dreams.
Should YOUR marriages turn out to be as wonderful as mine was (and is), I am VERY happy for you — and, I congratulated you on your fine choice!
Love,
Dziadziuś Paweł.
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